Chapter 5
On the way to the hospital, I have lots of crazy mixed-up dreams again.
This time, I dream about when we were little kids.
Marcus climbs way up high in an orange tree to pick me the biggest, sweetest oranges, and he cuts his hand but doesn’t even care,
He just scratches his head and laughs, “It’s okay, as long as little Ellie is happy.”
Then the dream changes to the day he got promoted.
There’s this fancy restaurant with a private room, and tons of people came to celebrate his big promotion.
They all brought their wives and families.
Marcus brought me too.
so lots of people whispered mean stuff about him behind his back.
The youngest, most successful officer on the whole base, and his fiancée is a total dummy.
was shaking like crazy that day.
t was the first time I was in a small room with so many people.
And they all had different expressions on their faces.
When there’s lots of people around, I get really scared.
My tummy started hurting.
And then pretty soon, my pants got all wet.
veryone stared at me like I was super gross and shocking.
n front of all these important army people, I peed my pants like a baby.
ater, the doctor who takes care of me told me it’s called “stress incontinence.”
ven though my brain is only eight years old, I knew that peeing your pants in front of everyone is really really embarrassing.
grabbed onto my shirt.
felt so awful I wanted to just die right there.
made Marcus look really bad.
Really, really bad.
didn’t know how to say sorry. Marcus has always been like this perfect golden boy that everyone looks up to and admires.
But because he always brings me everywhere with him, people laugh at him and talk about him.
That’s why Grandma Kane hates me too.
was shaking all over and couldn’t stop myself from crying.
But that day, my Marcus didn’t get mad at me.
Right in front of everyone, he took off his jacket and wrapped it around my waist.
His voice was really gentle: “Sorry everyone, my fiancée isn’t feeling well. I hope you can understand.”
While all the other wives had perfect makeup and looked super elegant, Marcus didn’t act like I embarrassed him.
He didn’t act like I was gross or anything.
On the way home, he even bought me new flowery underwear.
He carried me and said nice things: “Don’t be scared, Ellie. Marcus isn’t mad at you.”
I remember I did cry that day.
But it wasn’t because I was embarrassed-it was because I was so happy that Marcus was so nice to me.
From that day on, I promised myself:
Unless Marcus doesn’t want me anymore, I’m gonna follow him around for my whole entire life.
But I forgot to think about whether me following him around was what HE wanted.
Maybe in the end, my feelings turned into this trap that tied him down because he owed me.
Now I finally believe that dream about Marcus wanting to divorce me.
All these years, he got tired too.
He can’t carry me around like deadweight anymore.
He’s mad at me for saving him.
Mad that… he owes me such a huge favor that he can never pay back.
let out a big sigh.
f I wake up again, I wanna tell him:
Marcus, you don’t have to feel bad anymore.
wanted to save you.
never ever felt sorry about it.
lecause a really long time ago, he was really, really good to me.
